I've blown a few things in my day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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