dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
