I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
