Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
