I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
