Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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