so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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