i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
