i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
