blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
