Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
