You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
