I hate all girls vehemently.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
