i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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