I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
