We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
