No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
