I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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