Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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