Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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