I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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