We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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