Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
