trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
