brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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