Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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