Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
