someone threw a dead crab at me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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