I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
