He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The power of my boobs compel you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
