omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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