mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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