instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
