Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
