Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
