walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
