hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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