On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
