you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You've changed since you got that strap on
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
