Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
