I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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