There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
