Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And then he peed in my hair
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
