I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My balls are so social today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
