I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
