How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So gin and wine won't be happening again
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
