Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
