: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
