I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
