Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
