Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
