you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
