Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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