ugly people sure do ruin things
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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