It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
